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词十四基础班第八讲兰台组作业贴;评阅老师:单层《清茶》,双层《杏儿》 |
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点评
问好学友!起拍营造了一种很静谧的场景,次拍有点不协调了,画面感太过跳脱。下片“入杯中”是废笔,“回忆如烟谱作吟”句意不通。景确实是有了,却没有给下片的情做好铺垫,所以那景也是白瞎了。脉络不清晰,加油!
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