|
词十五初级班第五讲白石组作业贴评阅老师孤城8-20平凡21-33一见如故34-46红鲤剩余楼层 |
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
点评
问好久久!此词格律正确。男女之情用“丝丝”过于浅淡了,斟酌;“并”字不是很好,“共”字该好些。即是回忆,转结回到原地发感想最好,所谓:编筐编篓在于收口,收尾若是到位,整首词就亮了。加油!
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
|Archiver|手机版|小黑屋|古典听风书院
( 蜀ICP备15023305号-1 )
GMT+8, 2025-10-20 23:57 , Processed in 0.124665 second(s), 22 queries .
Powered by Discuz! X3.2 Licensed
© 2001-2013 Comsenz Inc.