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词十五初级班第七讲易安组作业贴,评阅老师:墨问8-26、小溪剩余楼层 |
点评
简评!此作立意清晰,但是句式清淡,写的实情实景,下笔缺乏神韵,无感人肺腑之句,词贵细腻婉约,此作元曲味较浓!建议用心听课多加练笔!
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点评
简评:整首作品唯一可留的句子乃首拍首句,其他组句脉络有相隔之嫌疑,凑句较多,如引蝶来蜂不明如何引来?此蜂估计是蜜蜂,蜜蜂乃为采蜜,转拍稍觉转过九天云外之嫌疑!
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