楼主: 碧荷听雨
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词十七创作班第三讲听雪组作业贴 |
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点评
起片不足,引领通篇力道不足,加长岸可酌,后承接有力,文意连绵不绝,尾结不错
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点评
起篇当时句,可酌,过片庭前青柳句可酌,其他都很不错,尾结好看,上片尾结情绪酝酿的很好,下片尾结,延展的更好,寓情于景,情景相融,很棒!
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