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词十四基础班第五讲兰台组作业评阅:单层慕雪,双层子真 |
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点评
问好同学。第二句是递进句,三三句读,不是并列,可斟酌。姿影倩,感凑。歇拍四四五句玉言眸子重复,可酌。过片可以,愁离稍显直。整体再凝练就更好。加油。
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