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词十七初级班第十二讲驭风组作业贴 |
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点评
上片物象过于悲切,过片句又显的无味潦草。到底是南方人盼,还是北人念,这里交代的不清楚。旧地青丝,这句不是很通,当炼。韵字还是尽量避免重复好。
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|Archiver|手机版|小黑屋|古典听风书院 ( 蜀ICP备15023305号-1 )
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