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词十七初级班第十一讲听雪组作业贴 |
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点评
格律正确。雪中即景,脉络清楚,读来清新。
瑞叶,指雪的不多见,易歧义。空山寂,雪后原野庭院都是空寂清凉的,用氤氲不太合适。点点花苞,欲吐春?早报春,可否?整体不错,加油。个见,不妥之处包涵
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