楼主: 燕燕于飞
|
古典词研三期聆雨组第二讲作业帖 |
点评
上片第一节就很违和,残阳怎么会暖呢?视线的聚焦点也有点凌乱,太空、碧柳再回到天空,再写燕子。下片转到情感的抒发转得自然合理,煞尾结得让读者也有代入感。
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
|Archiver|手机版|小黑屋|古典听风书院 ( 蜀ICP备15023305号-1 )
GMT+8, 2024-12-22 10:04 , Processed in 0.127599 second(s), 25 queries .
Powered by Discuz! X3.2 Licensed
© 2001-2013 Comsenz Inc.