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古典词二十六期创作班灵泽组第四讲作业帖 |
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点评
首长思路不够流畅,凝炼。向晚深冬,一个句子里出现两处交代时间,重复啰嗦。阴风无意义。雾笼寒水家山近,句子欠流畅。下阕抒情和上阕缺少内在联系。自说自话多了些。能追忆往昔会比较好。
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